Make Time For Yourself – We’ll Show You How

Co-authored by Ken Williams & Rashida Powell

As people celebrate St. Valentine’s Day, many will highlight their love, fascination, or obsession with a significant other. But what most people and retailers forget is self-love, which ought to be top-of-mind daily.

If there were only greeting cards, flowers, chocolate, and getaways for those commemorating self-love, would it be reminiscent of Oscar Wilde’s A Portrait of Dorian Gray, or Narcissus from Greek Mythology? We would hope not!

We encourage you to take time out to uplift and strengthen yourself. One way to do this is to incorporate self-care and self-love into your daily routine, or at least consider what these things mean to you. The act of loving and caring for ourselves has played an important role in our Accountability Partnership as we each strive to consistently weave these elements into our ongoing routine. Self-love and self-care mean different things to different people. Below we define what they mean to us individually.

What does self-care mean to you?

Rashida: Self-care to me has a literal meaning: To take care of myself. Practicing self-care is me caring for my mind, body, and heart.

Ken: Self-care means checking in with myself throughout the day, whether at work, home, or running errands. Am I fully grounded in my core, or feeling a bit wobbly? If I’m off-kilter, how might I return or draw closer to an ideal emotional/spiritual state?

How do you apply self-care in your life?

Rashida: My self-care routine incorporates food, fitness, and general wellness practices.

Food: I make it a priority to eat whole and healthy foods. I keep this practice fun by experimenting with new recipes and hosting friends as taste-testers.  Not only does this encourage me to make healthy meals, it provides an opportunity for me to connect with loved ones. In addition, I keep a list of local restaurants that I want to try one day. Checking restaurants off that list is one of the best feelings and it plays a big role in my self-care regime.

Ken:

Food: I prefer home-cooked meals living in NYC, one of the most expensive cities in the world for dining out. I’m not much of an experimental foodie hopping from one hot spot to the next. Cooking is therapeutic for me, and I don’t allow anyone else in the kitchen when I’m doing my intuitive cooking. I have improved my daily water intake, cutting down on alcohol and sugary drinks.

Rashida:

Health: Between Zumba, yoga, hiking, spin, HIIT, or just taking the stairs instead of the elevator, I make movement a priority. My fitness goal is simple: “Just keep moving.” The simplicity of the goal makes it achievable. In addition, I keep my workout tools visible. Instead of tucking them away in a closet, room, or garage, they are in my living room where I spend a lot of time.

Ken:

Health: I’ve always been physically-active, however, in recent years I’ve had to WORK to remain vested in in-home and outdoor exercise, weather-permitting. The hardest part is scheduling time to exercise, although I’m getting better at listening to my body and working out when I need an emotional as well as physical release.

Rashida:

Nature: Being out in nature is one of my favorite things. In these moments I can think, meditate, people watch, and get centered.

Ken:

Books, Writing/Editing – I like escaping into the world of a book or toggle between two books to keep it interesting and my mind engaged. I started a habit a few years ago of alternating the author’s gender, and the country of origin, when possible. It doesn’t always work out, yet I persist.

Writing and editing have similar therapeutic value to me as cooking. Penning fiction, poetry, essays, and media reviews takes me out of myself and into other experiences, lives, and worlds.

Rashida:

Space: My living space is integral to my self-care. Not every room is where I want it to be yet, but the rooms I spend the most time in have been created with my comfort in mind. Meaningful art, vibrant colors, scented candles, and books are intentionally placed to make the space one that is conducive to my emotional well-being.

Ken:

Home is my indoor Sanctuary – New York City is a hectic, chaotic, wonderful, inspiring, and exhausting place to live. I’ve cobbled together different examples and influences from past international and/or bohemian/hippie-minded roommates, friends, colleagues, and people I’ve met over the years. I do my best to leave ‘outside’ on the subway or on the threshold of my apartment, and as I’m climbing the stairs to my apartment, I continue shaking off who and what might have tagged along for the ride during the day. I remove my shoes as soon as I step inside the entry hallway as not to track any outside physical, spiritual, or energetic residue throughout my apartment. No shoes are allowed beyond the hallway. I once asked the cable guy not to trek his work boots through my apartment and he complied. He returned to his truck and returned with a pair of those blue surgical slip-ons.

Rashida:

Artist’s Dates: The Artist Date is a weekly, festive, solo expedition to explore things that interest me. They activate my imagination and encourage me to play and bring out my inner-child. Museums, sip & paints, the circus, cultural events, food festivals, and the movies have all been part of my Artist Date rotations. Whenever possible, I incorporate my other self-care tactics (like food, health, and nature) into these fun solo dates.

Ken:

DIY Skincare Products and Essential Oils: I make my own skincare products using natural, organic, and household ingredients infused with essential oils. I enjoy experimenting and testing various products. Essential oils, incense, and candles are an integral part of my daily and weekly life.

What does self-love mean to you?

Rashida: Self-love is accepting, embracing, leveraging, and loving every part of myself, from the physical aspects of my natural look to my internal characteristics. Self-love is being at peace with myself, the life I’ve lived, and what may come down-the line.

It means being patient with myself. I’m not perfect, nor will I ever be. So, patience with myself as I go through the ebbs and flows of life is essential. Here are some specific ways that I demonstrate self-love in my life:

1. Eliminate negative self-talk: When my thoughts start to get negative I nip them in the bud and focus on more positive, productive thoughts.
2. Don’t take anything personally: People will always have an opinion about you. Sometimes their critique is constructive, but all too often it is not. I’ve learned not to take anything people do or say personally. The truth is, their thoughts are rarely ever about you.
3. Self-awareness: I’m on a constant journey to learn more about myself because the more we know ourselves, the more we love ourselves. And, if we know ourselves well it gets hard for us to allow others to dim our light.
4. Healthy habits: Though this falls in the self-care category it’s also about self-love. When you love a thing, you do what you have to do to keep it healthy. So, I’m mindful about what I consume – be it food, entertainment, conversation, etc. – because these things can have a major impact on the quality of my life.

Ken:

Self-love originates from within my core and has to be maintained for internal and external fulfillment. Self-love can fluctuate based on emotions, temperament, time of day, and if I allow outside factors to whittle their way inside my head.

Here are some specific ways that I demonstrate self-love in my life:

1. Daily Morning Pages: It’s been at least fifteen years that I’ve written Morning Pages based on the Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron. Some days are better than others, as with life in general. I love mornings when words pour from head to the pen and page and I can’t seemingly keep pace. Those occasions typically happen when I’ve ruminated over temporary obstacles and the universe, my ancestors, and four spiritual guides help me get out of my way and transcribe the solutions. Morning Pages stand in place of my granny’s wisdom, a best friend, and a therapist. I wouldn’t be who I am and where I am in life without my daily habit.
2. Meditation & Hot Baths: I am in the early stages of practicing guided and unguided meditation with a few smartphone apps based on instructors’ voice, content, and session time. I make my homemade bath salts and schedule at least three baths with candles weekly.
3. Media & Entertainment: I alternate between broadcast, cable, and streaming shows, documentaries, movies, and series to unwind, learn, and be inspired. I don’t identify with everything I watch, however, there are usually kernels of truth when I look closely.

We’d love to hear from you all in the comments below! What does self-care and self-love mean to you?

Can One Word Change Your Life? Maybe.

More Social in 2017.

More Disciplined in 2018.

More Creative in 2019.

More Connected in 2020? Maybe.

The jury’s still out on what my 2020 “word” will be, but for a fourth year in a row I will center my focus around a word – and so far, there’s a pull toward being more connected, and fostering connectedness between others.

I started this tradition in 2017 when goals and vision boards were no longer enough to spark long-term change in my life. I captured my #MoreSocialin2017 journey in an e-doc titled Unlock Your “More” – Focus on One Theme to Take Your Life to New Levels (2017 was epic, by the way). I encourage this approach over a laundry list of goals or long list of things we want to stop doing. To continue improving my goal-setting process, I read books and articles on various methods and test them out to see what sticks. 

I was recently having a discussion about my process when my friend Christine mentioned a book by Mike Ashcraft & Rachel Olsen called “My One Word.” Mike started this concept in his Wilmington, NC church years ago and it caught on like wildfire. Each year, his congregation was more excited and focused about the activity than the year before, so he wrote about the process so people everywhere can join. This Bible-based book shares personal testimonials to help readers see real world applications of the “One Word” method. He also connects his methods to scripture. I read the book and pulled out a few highlights shared by Mike and his co-author Rachel.

1. Memorable: One benefit of choosing a word to center your focus on is that it’s memorable. Do you remember your New Year Resolutions from the past 5 years? Neither do I. But I remember all my “one word” themes. Choosing just one word cements the experience into your story in a way that a list of resolutions can’t.
2. Character-driven: We often define ourselves by what we do. And when defining who we want to be, we do the same: “I want to be the top realtor in my region / I want to be a leading marketer in my industry,” and so on. But who we are and who we want to be should be driven by matters of the heart: character, love, integrity, etc. When selecting your word, choose one that will allow you to go inner, not outer.
3. Visible: Once you chose your word keep it somewhere visible. The authors suggest taping it to your dashboard or placing it on your desk. They also suggest telling people in your life what your word is and giving them permission to ask you for updates on how it’s going. I share updates with my social media connections that include the good, bad and ugly of my journey throughout the year. Sharing makes you more accountable and helps you stay focused on your mission. “Take your eyes off the mistakes, regrets, and failures. Don’t focus on the gap between where you are and where you want to be. Just focus on your one word.”
4. Holistic: Our goals, resolutions, and vision boards usually touch on various life categories. One list can include goals around health, wellness, finances, careers, love, family, and more. When considering the switch to a “One Word” method, many people assume they’d be abandoning these other areas but that is not the case. When I chose “Social” as my 2017 word, I weaved it into all important areas of my life. To weave it into the fitness category, I participated in more group fitness events. To work it into my craft, I sought out writing opportunities that allowed me to practice the craft of writing while meeting people and enjoying unique experiences. For example, I joined The Atlanta Voice as a freelancer and covered various food and lifestyle events for them. Between the staffers and people out in the community I had many opportunities to be more social. And during my year of Discipline in 2018 (THE WORST LOL) I made efforts to be more disciplined with my routines, workouts, meals, work assignments, etc. (I kid that this was a horrible year because discipline isn’t at the top of my strengths; it’s somewhere at the bottom, actually). But the outcome was more awareness, which ultimately leads to improvement.

My final thought on the effectiveness of choosing one word to focus on each year is this: Because it forces you to drill down deep into one focal point, you’re more likely to develop positive habits. There’s truth in the saying “it takes 21 days to form a habit.” Imagine what could happen if you spend a whole 365 days focusing on one area of improvement. In my experience, I accumulated positive traits each year that roll into each other year after year.

If you’ve been creating a list of resolutions annually only to abandon the list by February, what do you have to lose by trying something different?

The Art of Gathering: How We Meet and Why it Matters (A Summary)

This holiday season, will you extend an invitation you don’t really want to extend for the sake of being “nice?”

Or, will you accept an invitation to that dinner, holiday party, or pot luck when you don’t really want to go?

We’ve all been there, and it happens a lot around this time of year. Long lost cousins we don’t know or get along with get invitations to Thanksgiving dinner because we “feel bad” leaving them off the list.

This doesn’t just happen during the holidays. It happens all day, every day, in homes and companies all around the world. The guest list is one of many elements that can affect the outcome of an event adversely. In her book, The Art of Gathering, Priya Parker discusses what we should factor into our event to make it the best it can be. Priya uses examples from her real-life work and shares what made those events successful, and in some cases, what made them flop.

Below I summarize a few takeaways I walked away with, but if you’re responsible for planning meetings at work or if you enjoy planning events personally, I recommend you grab a copy for yourself.

Now, let’s review all the ways to ensure your event doesn’t suck:

1. Decide on the “why” – Don’t just have a quarterly meeting because it’s 4^th quarter and that’s what you’ve always done. Don’t invite friends to happy hour just because “it’s been a while.” The happy hour can be planned because a few of you in the friend group made it through major health scares this year and you want to get together and celebrate each other and life. The quarterly meeting at work isn’t just an update – it can be time the team uses to select top priorities for the next quarter and clarify roles within each of the priorities. Your gatherings should have an actual purpose. To help you define a purpose start with the desired outcome – what do you want to have happen because you gathered? Use the answer to this question as a guide.
2. Protect the guest list – The guest list should directly support the purpose. Think of your desired outcome, and decide who would contribute to that goal, and who would not. It’s easy once we take feelings out of it. In the words of Priya: “Inviting people is easy. Excluding people can be hard.” But if you invite people who threaten the purpose of the gathering, you do a disservice to everyone else who actually belongs there. I’ve been following this rule lately in my personal gatherings and have seen the benefit. Instead of inviting all the people all the time, I invite some of the people, some of the time based on what it is I want everyone to get out of the gathering.
3. Don’t be a chill host – this was easily my favorite chapter. Sometimes we plan events at work or home and decide we don’t want to be overbearing by mandating guests to do this or that. We choose to be “chill.” Well guess what: The success of your event depends on you NOT being a chill host. Make rules and stick to them. In this section, Priya also discusses the importance of connecting guests. Whether it be through well thought out introductions or a game, find ways to connect the dots for your guests so that when you step out the room, the conversation still flows.
4. Cause good controversy – Do you believe the topics of sex, politics and religion should still be off limits to discuss in group settings? Priya says that rule is rubbish. The magic happens in the controversy. If everyone remains respectful, your gatherings should be a safe place for hot topics to thrive. This Thanksgiving, don’t let the elephant in the room sit in the corner. Invite him to the table. I recently hosted a small gathering of friends. I pulled out two games – a safe one and another one which I labeled as “inappropriate.” Everyone voted on the inappropriate one (because that’s how my friends roll) but I resisted and put them through a few rounds of the safe game. The results were flat, and we eventually ended up playing the game I was hesitant about. It was perfect. It forced us to discuss topics we hadn’t discussed before and helped us learn/confirm a little something about each person there. The purpose of the gathering was for us to connect before the busy holiday season rolled around, and the risqué game allowed us to connect – and laugh! In short, a little controversy ain’t never hurt nobody.

5. How to close the event – Just as you shouldn’t start an event with logistics, you also shouldn’t end with logistics. The close is your opportunity to leave an imprint on the minds of your attendees. Do you want their final memory of your event to be instructions on how to validate parking tickets? Trust me, you don’t want that. Not only should you be intentional about wrapping it up (don’t let it just fizzle out) – you should end by reflecting on what happened at the event and discuss the meaning of the event. This is when you circle back to your purpose to remind everyone why you gathered in the first place.

These are just a few learnings I walked away with. It’s a quick and dirty list of some elements to keep in mind, but Priya goes much deeper in the book. And in her Ted Talk, 3 steps to turn everyday get-togethers into transformative gatherings, she shares tactics to help event planners turn their gatherings – work or play – into meaningful, transformative occasions.

To close, I’ll leave you with these thoughts:

• Imagine if you had a dollar for every excruciatingly dull corporate meeting you’ve ever attended.
• Add another dollar if you’ve ever gone to an event and wondered why you were invited.
• And another dollar for events that didn’t start on time, or seemed unorganized.
• And yet another buck if YOU’VE planned meetings or events and invited certain people out of guilt.

The list of event planning faux pas goes on. If we tallied up all our transgressions, we’d have a decent amount of dollar bills. As someone who’s planned many corporate meetings and events, I’m glad to report some of them have turned out great – but some were on the opposite end of great. Sometimes the reason was budget, other times it was because the stakeholders involved weren’t open to trying new things. When you’re in that position you can’t always control the creative process of planning a meeting. But as much as possible, let’s collectively commit to adding meaning and purpose to the event experiences we shape.  *Insert pinky swear here*

When “It” Hits the Fan: Maintaining an Accountability Partnership When Life Shifts

My Accountability Partner (AP) Ken and I started the year like many of you: Bright-eyed and excited, list of goals in hand, planning calendars in place. We got off to a productive start by sticking to our individual goals and commitments. Some of our goals included writing daily, pitching story ideas to editors, working out, eating better, booking clients – you name it. We helped to keep each other on task through regular check-ins to discuss progress on our goals and digital monthly calendars that allowed us to see each other’s day-to-day and week-to-week accomplishments. Things were going well, but as we approached the 2019 halfway mark, other obligations competed for our time.

In short, “it” hit the fan.

Our employment situation changed, which meant our schedules changed.

Artist Dates? Nope.

Work outs? Not really.

Writing? Yeah right.

Sure, these are things we can (and will) work into our new routines. But that, like everything else, takes time.

When we initially embarked on the AP partnership we were each focused on being solo-preneurs, which is a different beast that needs a different type of support. Since then, our AP relationship has changed. Our motivation and support of each other is now more about helping each other balance our work lives with our creative lives, while keeping an eye on future goals and endeavors. With the drastic changes we’ve each experienced between January 1 and today, we’re readjusting to discover what works for us now.

These days, instead of a nudge to pitch elaborate ideas to editors, I may just need a nudge to complete my Morning Pages. And now, we’re putting even more emphasis on self-care as we juggle new and different obligations. Making time to connect with people and the world around us, eating healthy, completing our Morning Pages, staying positive, and giving ourselves a break sometimes are the new goal posts. In this season, our aim is to help each other adjust to newness. To do this, we leaned on one of the tips we shared in our last blog post on Accountability Partners: Be Flexible.

 “Life can be messy and unpredictable. While you may have made plans for keeping in touch, things might change. Flexibility is crucial to the success of your partnership. After you establish your interaction and communication plan – be flexible! You may have agreed to check-in every other Wednesday but a couple months into the year the schedule goes awry. If the goals and objectives are still a priority, it is OK if the logistics change.”

When we wrote that we had no idea what changes were coming, but life’s experiences have taught us that things inevitably change. Flexibility came in handy when we shifted some of our rules to accommodate change.

In addition to being flexible, APs should revisit their goals and talk about any changes. Talking about how we are going to transform, evolve and elevate our partnership so that we’re operating on more cylinders than not has been helpful.

You also want to be understanding of your AP’s situation. A shift in their priorities or actions doesn’t mean they’re giving up. It might simply mean they need time to readjust. Being understanding will allow you to show up for them when it’s time to motivate, advise or listen. But while you are being understanding, it’s important to be firm in your AP duties. Employing the right amount of understanding and accountability will enable you to be understanding without enabling them to slack.

As we move toward the 2019 finish line and start thinking about 2020 targets, we hope you find the learnings from our AP journey helpful, and we encourage you to find a support system of like-minded individuals who can serve as your cheering squad.

How to Build a Successful Plan with Your Accountability Partner

Co-authored by Kendall Williams

Congratulations! You’ve found a compatible Accountability Partner (AP) and have begun working together to accomplish your individual personal and professional goals. Finding an AP is half the battle. After you do, it’s time to put in the work required to keep it budding and beneficial. One of the first things Ken and I did as Accountability Partners was establish a “probation period.” We decided to give the AP thing a spin for three months to see if it was helpful, and to determine what tweaks we could/should make for optimal results. We reached our three-month mark this week. Though we haven’t had our formal check-in yet (because life, and schedules) we agreed on a list of questions that should be pondered at this milestone.

Preliminary questions to ask yourself include:

• Is having an AP everything you hoped it would be when you began your search?
• How important has flexibility and compromise been to your personal/professional working relationship?
• What are the major differences between working solo and having someone reliable in your corner?
• What growing pains have you and your AP experienced in recent months?
• Has your communication method or style of engagement changed as a result of having an AP?
• What do you value in a successful working scenario and do you bring those traits to the table and offer them freely to your AP?
• Are your individual projects important and time-sensitive?

Explore these questions on your own or together. By the time you’ve thought through these questions, you will have a good idea of how the partnership is going, and what, if anything, needs tweaking.

In our first post, Advance Your Goals with a 2019 Accountability Partner, we discussed what an AP is and how to find one. As a refresher, an Accountability Partnership exists when two or more people agree to support, guide, and encourage each other as they each work toward individual goals. If you say you are going to do something, your AP is the person who points it out when you veer off track. They help you stay the course, brainstorm ideas, and provide encouragement when situations become challenging. What most people don’t consider going into these partnerships is that not only are you managing your goals, you must also manage – the partnership.

In addition to the preliminary questions above, make sure that by now you have done the following:

Define Objectives

Each party should have individual objectives. What are you working toward? At the end of your 12-month marker, what will you each have accomplished? Establish weekly and monthly objectives early on and share them with each other. Your weekly objective is a mutually-beneficial partnership that helps you each draw closer to realistic benchmarks. The monthly objective is to be honest and accountable to yourself and each other on progress, setbacks, fears, and concerns.

Clarify communication preferences

Discuss what communication vehicles work best for you. Is it email? Phone? Social media? All of the above? Whatever you decide, make sure it’s convenient and easy for each person.

Establish a schedule

You and your partner may want to meet weekly, monthly, or even quarterly. The choice is yours, but it should be something you discuss and decide on together.

Be flexible

Life can be messy and unpredictable. While you may have made certain plans for keeping in touch, things might change. Flexibility is crucial to the success of your partnership if and/or when you hit a communication snag. After you establish your ideal interaction and communication plan – be flexible! You may have agreed to check-in every other Wednesday but a couple of months into the year the schedule goes awry. If the goals and objectives are still a priority, it is OK at this point in your partnership.

Get to know their goals

In a sense, your AP’s goals are your goals. Think of this as a three-legged race. You can’t cross the finish line alone, so you should get to know your partner’s goals as if they were your own. This enables you to help keep them accountable throughout the partnership. Your AP’s goals need to be realistic and achievable, not far-fetched and unattainable. When determining what is attainable, consider current talents, time, and resources.

Consider personality styles

Having an AP is like having coworkers or dealing with family members. You may not always agree or get along but keep your eye on the prize and work through your differences.

Make it a priority

This must be a priority for all parties, or it won’t endure. Do you know how to prioritize for yourself and others? If not, working with an AP might not be a good fit right now. One of the main tenets of working with an AP is helping and supporting each other when few others can, will, or know how to do so.

The relationship is defined by those involved – so no two partnerships will look the same. To be successful the relationship must have structure. Once you think through general questions like: “How’s this AP thing going?” you will want to move into more defined elements of the partnership to ensure that the foundation is solid. With three months in the Accountability Partnership game, Ken and I are still learning; but as promised, we will continue to keep you posted on our progress and learnings along the way.

Blavity-backed Summit21 Conference: A first timer’s perspective

I walked down Atlanta’s Peachtree Street from MARTA and saw pockets of Black women all headed in the same direction. I fell into step with them, because I just knew they were going to Summit21 –  the two-day conference designed for Black women. The conference is meant to help Black women create their vision for life and provide steps to make it a reality. Through masterclasses and fireside chats, the event pulled together some of the most recognized influencers in our communities and drew a crowd of 1,200 women to Atlanta for learning and networking.

Finally, me and the women – about twenty of us – walked into the AmericasMart building where the event was being held. Some of them were alone. I made a mental note that anyone willing to attend a two-day conference alone is committed to investing in themselves.

I also noticed the fashions. I wasn’t surprised about the sparkly stilettos, red bottoms, stylish suit sets and gown length ensembles, because everyone knows how Black women get down – especially Black women in Atlanta. Then there was the hair: afros, waist length braids, locs (real and faux), mohawks and baldies. Natural colors, rainbow colors and everything in between.

We rode the escalator up to the registration area and found our tribe – hundreds of women in line, chatting while they waited to register. The phrase “we are not a monolith” came to life in this room.  From the meek and soft spoken to the loud and brazen, all personality types were present – and welcome.

We kicked off the conference with a big ole group meditation session facilitated by Yoga Educator Chelsea Jackson Roberts. She guided the noisy, excited room into a deep, quiet meditation, and for a few minutes I forgot I was surrounded by hundreds of vibrant spirits.

The event had a Beauty, Financial and Impact track. I chose Impact.

My first session was “Honing and Amplifying Your Power Message, led by Brittany Packnett, who is the vice president of national community alliances for Teach for America and known for being heavily involved in planning the Ferguson protests. Brittany reminded us how powerful our words are. “There are people who listen to you whether you have a blue check mark by your Twitter name or not. There are people who will do what you say to do. You have to be responsible with your message.” She encouraged us to keep our message accessible so that anyone, anywhere could relate to it.

In the session that followed, Rashad Henderson, executive director of racial justice organization Color Of Change, spoke to the fact that “Presence is retweets, followers, visibility, a Black president and a celebrity who can shut the internet down by announcing her pregnancy. But power is the ability to change the rules.” Rashad says we should always seek to change the rules in our favor in lieu of just seeking visibility and stardom.

I got to my last session of the day, “Living an Eco-friendly Life from Head to Home” led by Kristian Henderson, pen in hand; but a pen and notepad weren’t necessary, because Kristian led us into a conversation, and when we have deep, meaningful conversations with girlfriends we don’t take notes. Session attendees took turns sharing what it means to live a life that supports our values, communities and the environment.

As a frequent conference-goer with high expectations for my people, I also assessed the event to see how I thought they could improve future events. I decided that overall, the conference did a great job fostering and displaying sisterhood; however, I would have liked more clear, tangible and actionable takeaways (and more signage to let people know where things were happening).

Despite these minor observations, seeds were planted that I can act on myself, and for that I am grateful.

Advance Your Goals with a 2019 Accountability Partner

Co-authored by Kendall Williams

In the span of two minutes, I went from being a dedicated corporate marketer to an unemployed creative. The news that I was being laid off came via telephone on a Friday afternoon. I wasn’t exactly surprised or disappointed – but I wasn’t mentally prepared for this next step.

Up until that point, my goals were the company’s goals: more sales, increased engagement, and positive media coverage. I lived and breathed their goals, and had lost sight of meaningful personal goals. After the layoff, I could have searched for fulltime work, but my intuition guided me otherwise. Instead, I found a few clients and busied myself with projects and pastimes that spoke to me. Things were going OK, but without a corporate timeline – performance reviews, fiscal calendars, quarterly earnings reports, etc. – I felt lost. I tried various tactics to help me identify and commit to my goals. Sometimes I did good, sometimes I didn’t, and staying on track has continued to be a challenge.

At the end of 2018, I told myself I couldn’t go through a third year of “winging it.” During this time, I crossed paths with a New York-based creative who was in a similar space. We’d each decided it was time to fully pursue specific projects that had gone dormant. During the last week of 2018, Ken Williams and I officially agreed to be 2019 Accountability Partners (APs). We are learning that “Accountability Partner” is a loaded term not too many people fully grasp, so we’ve added “educate the world about this concept” to our list of to-dos. We are here to help you begin laying the foundation for one of your passionate ideas you’ve had brewing in your mind.

You know those projects you started, but stopped? We’ve been there. Like Ken and I, you have everything you need to create success and become prosperous: we’re skilled, unique, and knowledgeable — so what’s stopping us?

In most cases, it’s a lack of focus, motivation, and direction that blocks one from reaching their full potential. We start each New Year proclaiming that “this year is our year.” We create lists of goals and colorful vision boards, sign up for gym memberships, dust off our library cards, and download apps to support our objectives. The enthusiasm starts off fiery but wanes a few months in when life gets hectic or, we simply lose interest.

Does any of this sound familiar? You’ve probably done many of these things and more, but there’s one thing you likely haven’t tried that will improve your odds of succeeding this year: an Accountability Partner.

An Accountability Partnership exists when two or more people agree to support, guide, and encourage each other as they each work toward individual goals. If you say you are going to do something, your AP is the person who points it out when you veer off track. They help you stay the course, brainstorm ideas, and provide encouragement when things get challenging. They act as your personal cheerleader, and you do the same for them. While you may procrastinate and make excuses when no one else knows your goals, you’ll be less inclined to do so when you’ve shared with others.

I know this to be true because since Ken and I agreed to be Accountability Partners, just knowing he’s aware of my goals and will nudge me when needed has provided a boost.

I was receptive to the idea of having a 2019 Accountability Partner because I felt stuck in both my corporate writing work and in my creative writing. In addition, there were personal goals on my list – like being more organized and disciplined – that I was making little progress with.

Ken and I have life-changing goals. Between us there are books to write, businesses to grow, and lifestyles to change. Our decision to become Accountability Partners was a natural (and needed) next step to move our individual interests along

We’ve discussed our agreement and the concept of APs in general with people we know. The questions we get vary from “What the heck is an Accountability Partner?” to “Why should I have one?” to “How do you find one?” In the questioning, there exists a hint of fear and hesitation. It’s unspoken, but we understand the source: Accountability is intimidating. It’s scares people because it implies responsibility. When you are an AP to someone, you’re responsible for both your goals and their goals to a certain extent.

We’re still figuring out what processes work best for us individually and collectively, but there is one thing we’re sure about: We don’t just want to give it our all – we need to give it our all. We’ve each reached a point where excuses and procrastination are no longer an option. As we feel our way through this journey, we will share resources with you starting with the Q&A below detailing what we’ve learned so far about finding and keeping an Accountability Partner. Our goal is to demystify the process and use our experience to encourage you to try this method out.

Accountability Partner Q&A:

How do I find an Accountability Partner?

Scan your circle for people who might be a good fit. It can be a close friend, relative or colleague, but it doesn’t have to be. You should gravitate toward people with whom you already discuss goals and ambitions. One question to ask when considering options is: “What could this person offer me, and what could I offer them?” Perhaps they’re strong in areas you struggle with, and vice versa. In a good partnership, your skills and personalities will complement each other.

Find someone who is serious about doing the work. Whatever goals you each set for yourselves, and whatever agreement made between you, must be taken seriously.

When considering who might be a good match, the first few names that pop into your head are a good place to start. If you have the means for regular communication, it doesn’t have to be someone in the same city or region as you. Once you have someone in mind – just ask! Chances are they will be interested in exploring the possibility.

How do you know if an Accountability Partner is for you?

If you want feedback and guidance on personal and/or professional goals, are willing to schedule time to meet, call, text, or Skype regularly for check-ins, and are feeling stuck in your endeavors, you’re a good candidate for having an Accountability Partner.

How long should people remain Accountability Partners?

A one-year commitment will give you time to see real progress; however, it’s wise to set a 3-month trial period after which each party can decide if they want to continue with the arrangement.

What’s the difference between a mentor and an Accountability Partner?

The difference is Accountability Partners need each other equally for guidance, support, and encouragement. Though a mentor can learn from and receive support from their mentee, those relationships are usually one-sided with the coach or mentor providing most of the guidance and advice.

What personality traits does a good Accountability Partner have?

A good Accountability Partner is patient and generous with their time for your projects and current stumbling blocks. Ideally, they offer an outside perspective of possible solutions. A great Accountability Partner is also selfless and anticipates obstacles before you realize they exist. Additionally, they have the energy, personality, and stamina to support and encourage someone else if and when a temporary stumble occurs in their own life.

What’s next?

If the information shared here resonates with you, and you believe an Accountability Partner could help propel your goals forward, we challenge you to begin your search for an AP today. Once you choose a potential match, send them a link to this post and keep us abreast of your progress!

Follow our journey as we discover for ourselves what works and what doesn’t.

Cheers to a successful 2019!

How to create your vision board in seven simple steps

How many goals and desires have you repeatedly put off until tomorrow, next month or next year?

If you’re like most people, you have at least one or two things on your list that have been there for a while now. Sometimes we put things off due to procrastination. Other times, it is a lack of organization or confidence that keeps us from working toward our goals. Although we should chip away at our goals all year long, the new year is a great opportunity to assess where you are and where you would like to go.

It’s a well-known fact that writing your goals down increases the chances of you reaching them.  A Harvard Business study revealed that:

• 83 percent of the population does not have goals
• 14 percent have a plan in mind, but they are unwritten goals
• 3 percent have goals written down

The study found that the 14 percent who have goals are ten times more successful than those without. The 3% with written goals are 3 times more successful than the 14 percent with unwritten goals.

Some people take it a step further by creating a vision board. The vision board is a creative visual representation of what you want your life to be. There are many ways to approach it. Below is a seven-step process to walk you through it.

1. Write a list: Create a list of things you want to accomplish or focus on in your life. These can be tangible goals like “get a promotion at work” or “work out three times a week.” They can also be intangible goals that revolve around themes like “more happiness” or “increased creativity.”
2. Gather supplies: Create your vision board on a large poster board, sketch pad, large sheets of paper or cork board. Search through magazines for images that represent the life you want. You can also use lettering and other arts and crafts to help bring your vision to life. Get creative with it!
3. Determine a time span: Decide how long you want to give yourself to accomplish your goal(s). It can be several months, a year or longer. A year-long timeframe is a favorite among many because it takes time to cultivate and recognize change, but choose whatever duration works best for you.
4. Set targets: Create a few milestones that will challenge you along the way.
5. Make your goals public: Another way to help ensure that you are successful is to share your goals with the people in your life. Once you share some or all your intentions, you have people who can keep you accountable.
6. Keep your vision board visible: Place your vision board somewhere where you can see it regularly as a constant reminder.
7. Evaluate your progress periodically: Check in with yourself regularly to evaluate your progress along the way. Are you doing as much as you can be doing to reach your vision? Are you doing what you said you would do? If not, don’t beat yourself up; just get to it. If so, congratulations – you are on your way to making this your best year yet.

Most importantly, don’t forget to celebrate your success. Once you accomplish the goals you set for yourself, remember to pause for a celebration. You deserve it!

Happy New Year.

Workplace Etiquette: Don’t be “that” person

Life is not a sitcom.

When we go to work, we are not checking in on the set of The Office, or Mad Men, or Parks and Recreation. If life were a sitcom, the inappropriate things some of us say and do at work would be OK. But this is reality. We don’t get to take our makeup off and step out of character. In real life, we have to come back to work, day after day, as ourselves, and face the coworkers who we may have offended or annoyed just the day before.

Sometimes work place etiquette is fuzzy. People are different, born into different cultures, subscribe to different values and have different personalities. This is diversity that should be welcomed and embraced in the workplace. I am not suggesting that everyone in the workplace behave the exact same way. I am suggesting that we all be more aware of our actions and how they may affect others. What impression are you making each day? What is your workplace brand? These tips below will help make sure that your reputation and relationship-building stay in tip-top shape.

1. AVOID GOSSIP.

Sigh. This topic. Again.

In general, gossip is bad. But at work, it’s even worse. Successful, productive people don’t spend much time entertaining gossip because they are too busy making moves, and making an impact. Think about it – when you look around your office, who are the gossipers? Are they the ones doing good work, getting recognized and getting promoted? Sometimes yes, but usually, no.

When I started this list of workplace etiquette blunders, gossip was the first thing that came to mind. No surprise there. Survey after survey places gossip at the top of the list of peoples’ workplace pet peeves. With that many people against it, why is it so prevalent in the workplace? One reason may be because oftentimes there are one or two gossip ring leaders, and a whole group of people who go along with it just to go along and not make any waves. Don’t be the “go-alonger.” Make waves by not participating. Eventually people will notice that when the gossip begins, your participation ends, and they will stop coming to you with it. Do know that you may be less liked by some for your lack of participation in their gossip fest – but that is OK.

2.   RECOGNIZE WHEN PEOPLE WANT THEIR SPACE.

Recognize when people are not in the mood for talking. If they constantly glance away from you, back into their book or magazine, that’s a clear sign. If they are ON THE PHONE, that is a CLEAR sign.

3.  TALK LESS.

In meetings, be aware of who is talking the most, and who has yet to utter a word. If you notice that you’ve done all or most of the talking, take a step back and give others a chance to participate.

During one-on-one conversations, practice active listening to fully absorb what the other person is saying. You’ve probably heard that most of us “listen to respond” instead of “listening to understand.” This is true. Oftentimes we are so focused on saying the right thing or the smart thing that we’re twenty steps ahead trying to craft a response.

4.  DON’T OVERSHARE.

I once had a coworker casually reveal to me that she had an STD. Outside of that, I knew nothing else about her. We were on our very first lunch outing.

While you may be proud of your life (you should be), and you may believe that honesty is the best policy, there are some things you should keep to yourself or wait longer to reveal at work. As proud as you are, sharing personal details make many people feel uncomfortable, which in turn may cause them to avoid you.

Besides, you want to be known for your stellar work, not for your juicy stories

5.  DON’T BE EMOTIONALLY DISCONNECTED.

We get it. You’re busy. There’s so much going on, right? But you should never be too busy to exchange a “hello” or “good morning.” That stack of paper your head is always buried in won’t go anywhere if you look up to acknowledge your coworker or – God forbid – engage in a short conversation with them.

Or perhaps you are a private person who likes to keep work peers at an arm’s length. In this case you should select a couple of topics that you deem to be safe topics to discuss. Make it seem personal without it really being anything too deep.

The more disconnected you are from people, the more disconnected they will be toward you. You may prefer it that way most of the time, but one day you’ll look up and realize you have no one to swap a joke with or even run a workplace challenge by. This is not a good position to be in.

THE END.

When I started this list it quickly grew to 30+ items. In the interest of keeping it short I chose to share the first five on my list. I will share more in the future, but in the meantime, feel free to add your own workplace pet peeves or etiquette tips in the comment section.

Cheers! Let’s keep it classy.

How a hashtag changed my life

It was December 31, 2016 – New Year’s Eve. I sat sprawled on my living room floor. The ball was an hour away from dropping as I rushed to glue my life goals onto a white poster board. This was a vision board party featuring me, myself, and I – a party of one. I was surrounded by images of people laughing and hugging. All around me were cut-outs of affirming statements about love, faith, and health. I glued these items to the board and called it my future.

For much of 2016, I had given up on optimistic thinking. Failed jobs, failed romances, failed friendships, failed everything, had whittled my optimism down. But in a last-minute push as the new year loomed, I committed to taking control in 2017.

I picked up the sheet of paper that listed my 2017 goals and read them aloud to my mom, who was in and out of sleep on the couch nearby. Her job was to help me add or eliminate goals. When I got to “More me time,” she woke up. “More me time? But your whole life is me time. You work from home, travel alone, workout alone, go out to eat alone, pamper yourself – alone. How much more “me time” do you need?”

I laughed.

She was right, so I crossed “Me time” off the list and replaced it with “Be more social.” This revised goal got her full support, because more social might lead to a romantic relationship which might lead to grandkids – but I digress.

While all the goals featured on my vision board were important, I zoomed in on “Be more social” – which eventually became #MoreSocialIn2017 – as the flagship goal around which much of my time and energy revolved. It began as a nudge for me to stay connected to the world and to loved ones, but turned into a life changing experience.

#MoreSocialIn2017 is my “life hack.” It’s a challenge to myself to say “yes” more (thanks, Shonda Rhimes). I dove head first into hot yoga, rock climbing, patio lunches with strangers, music festivals, helicopter rides, speed dating, kickball, online dating – you name it, I did it. And it was fun; but amidst the excitement, I realized that it was more than just fun. People started asking about it. “Tell me about your year of socializing,” they’d say. “I’ve never seen anyone transform their life and mentality so quick.” Not only were they watching – they were cheering me on and looking to me for inspiration for their own lives and goals. They also approached me differently.

Everywhere I went, people were drawn to me. Young and old, preppy and hipster, black and white and everyone in between. People went out of their way to engage in conversations, invite me to events, and invite themselves to my comings and goings. That was my confirmation that this 2017 theme was having a positive impact on my life. A fact which I’ve always theoretically believed came to life in a real way:  sometimes how people treat us is a reflection of the energy that we project. Sure, some people are just plain mean – or disinterested, but my #MoreSocialin2017 experiment confirmed that the more receptive and positive we are, the less likely we are to attract the negative types.

My eyes were also opened to just how much of life I was missing out on. Being an introvert, I took pride in my Friday evening dates on the couch with myself, enjoying a home cooked meal while cheering the Shark Tank contestants on. When friends joked about me being a hermit I laughed, because I am who I am, right?

Wrong.

The truth is, my hermit lifestyle grew to be a literal shell. I used it to protect myself from disappointment and vulnerability. Sure, I often just really enjoyed relaxing at home with a meal and a drink, but sometimes that was just the safer choice. The more I avoided people and the places people frequented, the more I avoided potential awkwardness, disappointment, rejection, regret – the list goes on.

The more I avoided people, the more I could throw myself into running, working out, traveling (solo, of course), reading, writing and other things that required little or no human interaction. I told myself that these were healthy activities (and they are). But how good was it to be only committed to things that required zero participation from others?

Once I allowed myself to open up to people, my life opened up, as well. Not only did I create new possibilities and experiences, my former relationships where strengthened, too. #MoreSocialIn2017 allowed me to make room for love – my love for life, people, myself, and experiences.

I made new connections, dived into a few new experiences, met a potential life partner, and found myself (again) because of #Moresocialin2017. Yes, a hashtag changed my life. Will these things last? Maybe, maybe not. But the memories and experiences garnered along the journey of openness and adventure will.

As I write this, it is October. Little kids and big kids alike are getting their Halloween outfits together. Everyone knows that once the trick-or-treating is over, the other holidays are close behind.

I’m trying to live in the moment, yet I can’t stop thinking about what’s next. What happens after #MoreSocialin2017? Is it #EvenMoreSocialin2018? Or more “something else” in 2018? I have no idea. Perhaps it will come to me as the clock strikes midnight on New Year’s Eve, like it did last year. While I try to figure it out, I encourage you to find your “theme.” More fit, social, bold, joyful, adventurous, calm – whatever it is –  commit to it! Do the thing that scares you the most. As you choose your focus for the new year, remember that we often resist what we need most. Go ahead – be more _______________ in 2018.

You’ve got this.

Click here for your copy of the “Be More” eBook – a document that lays out the 10 steps I took to making #MoreSocialin2017 a success.

Author Bio:

Rashida Powell is a marketing communications professional based in Metro Atlanta. To learn more about the hashtag that changed her life, search #MoreSocialin2017 on Instagram where she shares updates as @rashidathechameleon.